Blessed with Nothingness.

Everything God has taught us and that Jesus has confirmed in his life clearly reveals a principle of Christianity I think we far too often misunderstand, limit, or disregard entirely:

God planted an element of sacrafice in us all. [It tends to make sense when you consider we were made in His image, that He would instill in us such a need to be self-sacraficing.] We are to give up ourselves in EVERY aspect. Take your upbringing, your opinions, your lifestyles, your temptations, your pride, and throw them away. God continually teaches to be less of ourselves and more of Him. To constantly be in a topsy-turvy balance of contradictions.

Then take Jesus' life and his ministry. If you claimed to be holy, he was quick to point out your flaws and sins; for the outcast, he gave them the miracles, his grace, his love. He encouraged those that had nothing to be proud of. In this way, he was always preaching this IMPOSSIBLE fine line - a thought process that was perfectly between cocky and humble; a lifestyle that was full of life [in Him] and also full of death [of yourself]; a heart that is both accepting of God, love, and grace, but also willing to sacrafice what you deem to be "earned" for the better of others. In this way, he was THE way, THE truth, and THE light - the perfect example that we can never fully accomplish, but always strive to attain. To be on any other side of this fine line is to need a kind of reassuring love or a blunt humbling experience.

I don't mean to get politcial on you, because I personally can't stand to think politically...

...wait. That in itself leaves something to be said. I hate politics because I have given up on politics. I've given up on politically molding the world. There will always be at least 3 sides to the story, each of which will [literally] fight to the death that they are moreso right than the other two. I find the whole situation of American politics to be -hopeless-. The word itself cries God, Jesus, salvation, evangelism, truth, and... well, hope. That's what we're all about - giving hope to the hopeless.

Anyways. Now that I've caught myself in that less-than-right way of seeing politics... I know many of you try not to get involved for the same reasons. But I encourage you to follow me through this.

Think of the people who have made the best of impacts on the world - Ghandi. Mother Teresa. Muhammad Ali. Jesus Christ. Martin Luther King, Jr. C.S. Lewis. They are the peacemakers, the revolutionaries, the activists. Some of these people have nothing to do with Christianity, others have nothing to do with politics, some aren't even Americans, but they all made HUGE impacts on American Christianity... or they should have.

I passionately believe that such a humble and sacraficial lifestyle is key in being Christlike. I mean, minus the whole "I'm the son of God" thing, these are ordinary people... not multi-millionaires that are largley influential by their position, status, or power. They are every day people, passionately living a lifestyle of a servant, of an activist. This in a nutshell is our calling - we aren't to expect riches and glamour by God's blessing, but a fulfillment of life. All of these people loved radically, not only in an everyday-smile-on-your-face love, but a revolutionary, life-changing, teaching sort of way. They didn't love in a way that moved too quickly to truly grasp. They didn't streak through history books throwing flowers and passing out religious tracts. They walked. They taught. They had people following them in their lifestyle, and they spread their philosophy of life and love. They made a difference. To this day, these people, their lives and love resonant in our society.

This is the Good News. To live a life like Christ is to change the world, regardless of status or money or power. To give 100% to love and to live passionately as a servant is to change EVERYTHING. This isn't a feel good message of encouragement to get you through the day. This is THE calling. The opportunity to become a Ghandi, a Mother Teresa, a revolutionary. Be an activist.

God's message to us is complicated. It's never black and white, in an interpretational sense. It's never clear cut or without a debate of some kind. But it is black and white in that God demands us to be both. To enlist in the struggle to find perfection where we are guaranteed that we won't find it - ourselves. It's a win - win situation. You cannot fail when you give it all to God.

Personally, I don't know what God has planned for me. I've been in college for over two years now and I still don't know what to do with my life. My majors have changed, my passions have changed, my life continues to be a struggle of contradictions, confusions, and walking by faith alone. Not to say this is always a noble path. Many times I've failed, I've quit, I've knowingly walked away from what I can only pray is the right path. But studying the people God has used, the message and calling He has asked of us..... all I know is I don't have much. But neither did anyone else that made a difference. Maybe it's denial or maybe it's relentless optimism. Either way I choose to see it as faith and perserverance. I don't know what God has planned for me this week, this semester, this year, or the next few years. I pray it continues to come at me at such confusion until He makes it 100% clear. I'll struggle the rest of my life for some clarification and guidance. I pray you're blessed with the same nothingness. The same freedom and [almost forced] reliance on God. Only when you have nothing but God can you become something amazing.

I feel like God and I are in a universal chess match. I've lost a lot of pawns, and somewhere down the line we both stopped and just stared at each other. Now I don't know who's turn it is, where I should move, or even what game we're playing. Whatever it is, even if they're just pawns, I feel I'm running out of options, out of safe sacrifices. Every move I make - that I had previously put a lot of thought and faith into, seems to be the 'wrong' move. I feel like God is trying to teach me how to play, but rather than in words or strategy, He's rather just saying "nope... not that one"; "oops! sucks for you again, eh?"; "hahaha, ohhh Me, I can't even believe you moved that one!".

I need to be optimistic again. I need more faith. I need patience. I need help. I need a sign of progress. I need change. I need prayer.

To have confidence in anything going on in my life right now would be a plus, too.

What if...

... we prayed for the leaders of a subculture that is often lost? The same culture I mention time and time again in blogs and notes on Facebook. Those rejected by the world, by "Christians". Those that don't fit in, so they unite in their differences. Their weaknesses make them strong. Musical influences like Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson command leadership positions in a growing [and constantly rejected] society. Millions of teenagers are led by these people because they feel they understand what they're going through. Their lyrics preach to fight, to resist, to rebel, to unite with those like you - the rejected. Christ called us to save these people, but since many Christians don't like to hear things about saving these people, I propose we pray for the leaders. Pray for Trent Reznor. Pray for Marilyn Manson. Pray for all those that take advantage of the weaknesses of teens and are commanding an army. They are not to blame. We are. But we can at least start to fight back. We can at least START to acknowledge the people lost simply due to musical preference. Millions of souls are lost without a fight because Christians refuse to accept a style of music. I'm not asking you to buy the CDs or spread the good news of N.I.N. I'm asking you to understand what is appealing. Please note the flesh wrapped around their souls, much like your own, and look past whatever it is that freezes your heart to these people.

I am one of these people. I used to be. I still am. And now being a Christian, it's ridiculous the 'yellow tape' you have to go through to get a fellow Christian to consider saving people like me. People who are "out there"; who have been rejected by their community/school/church/etc. If it weren't for a few chosen people that taught me about unconditional love and God, I would still be one of these people. Without hope. Without your help.

Please acknowledge the people we are letting slip through our hands. We buy playgrounds for churches, expand our parking lots, bulldoze trees and parks to plant a holy flag we call a church... yet we all turn away when we hear of real people needing real help. Current members of your church don't need new swings, a bigger building, or a new youth wing. Millions need to hear the Good News. Not of your prestige and financial stability. To take away rejection, excommunication, judgement, and hatred, takes away 80% of the lyrics in Manson and NIN's music (which is aimed towards Christians, Christianity, and those who have been rejected by both). If we stop rejecting, stop being so judgemental, and start accepting more, we take away the power we've given these people.

Ugh. I have to stop mid-rant. I could go on all day. Pray for the leaders of these bands. Pray for today's Christians that refuse to see their own faults. Pray for me.

What if...

... Jesus never finished? ...MMMthatcameoutwrong. What I meeean is. Think about his life, what he did, what he preached. Everything was radical. People were completely different after witnessing his life. He preached to love your neighbors, to love your enemies; to accept the lowest of society; to not *necessarily* obey the laws of men, but rather of God's. What he said was life-changing and he said this to people who were blind of their own sin. The world was completely changed - a moral code was set.

My random thinking is, if he changed SOOO much within his life and exposed so much sin and deceit, are there things we do daily that are sinful that we miss completely? I mean, we can sit back and say "I'm a good person because I don't steal, lie, cheat, murder, etc" but those are all normal standards of what is good simply because Christ set that moral code. What if [and if you've followed me this far, this is the whole point of this blog] there were more sins that Jesus Christ would have addressed had he not died when he did? What if there were today a chapter in Luke or Matthew about the rejection of a sinner being a sin itself? What if Jesus would have encouraged his disciples to vary, to spread out in land, language, practice, behavior, social standing, music preference, clothing style, etc. in order to evangelise to a world full of variety? What if we held "accepting everyone" in the same regard as we do cheating, lying, murdering? What if there was so much more to his teaching, to the gospel? What if he was like, "Woah, who did Revelation? ... C'mon... claim it. You KNOW this is going to screw with people's minds... let's make this readable!"... lol. Would he though?

I think it's interesting to look back on one man's life and see how he affected the world. Our innate sense of right and wrong has been programmed by him. What if he wasn't done with our wiring?

Disclaimer: This blog is purely hypothetical, to think outside the box. I in no way am questioning God's plan or the sacrifice He made for our sins. Everything happened for a reason and it is for that that we are saved. ... but still, it never hurts to ask ourselves, what if?

Happy pondering. :]

This song = me.

I gotsta gotsta get out of this funk. I get in bad moods like once every few months. I'm the happy guy, the funny guy, the guy that encourages everyone else to be happy... what happens when THAT guy gets stuck in a bad mood?

[alarm]
10 PM. Couldn't have come at a better time.

And I swear to God I will find myself in the end.

EDIT:
Sometimes I swear I'm two-faced. I hate this. I couldn't even finish the prayer.